Lately I've been having the opposite problem than I normally have. Instead of updating incessantly about nothing, I have had so much I've been meaning to say but never the time to post it. And it's not like it has been Life Altering Events, but I've been living, uncharacteristically, in the real world and have been meaning to share my thoughts on it. It's been a few weeks since my exams and I've done a dozen or so of the things I've been meaning to do all summer. Like making watermelon lemonade. Or putting the hem on the curtains I made... in November.

I had a rather miserable weekend due to a trip to the dentist during which I was diagnosed with My First Cavities. But David spent the weekend trying to cheer me up with lots of staying up all night, playing monopoly, learning my favorite songs on guitar and drinking summery drinks (after which I brushed my teeth obsessively; I am not used to and do not like this cavity business).

I've been a busy bee around the house lately and I'm hoping to post some pictures of my projects soon, but for now I will just post a recent picture of myself taken with the DSLR that I have been waiting for FOREVER.


Other things that make me smile.
the view in the kitchen of my neighbour's rose garden
the antique Victorian keys that I've collected
sewing with the silk that David's mother brought me from Thailand
having time to cook elaborate meals every night

Fantastic! Two hours and a pound of chocolate later I am done yet another online midterm for my Distance Ed courses (with a decent mark, too). Taking courses lower than my year is excellent for my ego.

The bar has finally been giving me good shifts again. Last night I opened Vinyl and tonight I open Van Gogh's Ear, which means I work 7pm until 3am, which means I will pickup sushi downtown before I start. Today would be perfect if there was some sun to go along with this awesome weather. Seriously, it's 2pm and almost dark. At least it will facilitate a good nap before work.

I'm going family-hopping up north again this weekend with David and my mother. I am absolutely adoring not working weekends and spending them outside of the city. I am seeing lots and lots of photography in my near future.

Oooh and the rain just started- perfect conditions for a summer afternoon snooze.

This is where I have always been coming to. Since my time began. And when I go away from here, this will be the mid-point, to which everything ran, before, and from which everything will run. But now, my love, we are here, we are now, and those times are running elsewhere.

One day I will have a working studio. With high ceilings and wooden floors. I will develop photos, paint, throw wet globs of paper at the walls- I don't know. But it will be amazing.

THERE ARE GIANT CENTIPEDES ON MY CEILING


even worse than that... one of them has recently disappeared.....

For the past two months, I have been as a nomad. Living out of a duffel bag, traveling across the country, working hard for my pay.

In two weeks, I will be home, with a boy and a dog and a bed waiting for me. I am desperately longing to be there now.

I can see you through a porthole; blurry and in blue tinted light like a polaroid memory, and I have to wonder- which one of us is on the outside looking in?

I've been thinking. You could make a map of the city's pay phones. You could mark them all down and carefully choose your targets. Then pick some rare combination of flagged words. How often do you think that government Echelon wiretap picks up calls that mention "gas attack" and "plutonium" and "strawberries" all together? How many times in your city in the same six hour period? Just get some latex gloves and a jacket with a big hood, and hit all of the pay phones you marked out. You could use the city like your own private Light Bright. The future doesn't have to be boring. Just pick the phones you want to light up on the Echelon warning board, and draw a glowing spiral, or write your grocery lists in lights.

Screw chimps, I am descended from songbirds. Sing to me and I'm yours.

I am a girl so absent minded that I once listed Markus Aurelius as a work reference. I regularly put stuff in the fridge- that doesn't belong there. I miss classes because I lose myself in the library stacks. I can't make this stuff up.

Someone told me today that I sell myself short. No, I don't feel I do. I may not anticipate every minor incident that could turn into an atrocity. But then again, I don't anticipate every minor incident that could turn into an atrocity.

In a city so alive and green that leaves drift along roads and paths like brightly coloured snow banks.

While no one aspect of my life is spectacular, I can appreciate that, for now, everything is pretty okay. Which in itself is pretty amazing.

"Being alive meant that I would one day die, and there was nothing I could do to prevent that. There were no contingency plans for old age, and I would have devoted my life to what? To making sure I could survive just a little while longer, so I could devote a little more time to the vain hope that I might live forever?"

Sometimes, when I'm alone in the apartment and the wind is shaking the balcony, the building is rumbling and the trees are blowing over, I like to pretend it's the apocalypse.

Fresh-from-the-oven apple crisp.
Spicy squash soups.
Bright leaves against gray skies.
Scarves, wooly socks and mittens that smell like last year.

Everything about last autumn was change.
And this year it's comfort.

"If you look for truth, you may find comfort in the end; if you look for comfort you will not get either comfort or truth only soft soap and wishful thinking to begin, and in the end, despair." - C.S. Lewis

I've been feeling a little... off lately. I hate to think that I am such a product of my environment that I could change so much. But. I am influenced by everything I do. That's just me. I get so much for so little and I want to learn how to appreciate that more. I've deleted all my older entries; I don't ever want to go back to being that girl and keeping it around only brings me down. I am a constant work in progress and I want to surround myself with constructive people.